


Stuck, Literally

by Cydersyrup



Series: Mad Intelligence [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Attempt at Humor, Bad Decisions, Chenle too - Freeform, Crack, Domestic, Established Relationship, Give this poor man a break, Jaehyun being done with Johnny 101, Jaehyun suffers, Jaemin tries his best, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Stupidity, crack humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24143344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cydersyrup/pseuds/Cydersyrup
Summary: There’s a reason why Jaehyun firmly believes that married couples should have separate bathrooms. How the hell is he supposed to brush his teeth now with his husband glued against the wall?
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: Mad Intelligence [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715650
Comments: 43
Kudos: 294





	Stuck, Literally

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello hello!  
> Welcome to the third installment of my agent au!  
> The grind don't stop and neither does the crack!!  
> Enjoy!! (^v^)

“Hyung, you are gonna shit your pants.”

“Sounds promising.” Jaehyun looks up from his monitor to see Jaemin standing before him, eyes gleaming and holding a small box against his chest. “Well, what is it?” he prompts.

The boy grins and hands him the box. It’s a delicate little thing, white and made of silver-lined paper. “I heard that you’re going on another mission soon, so I wanted to give you this.”

 _'That’s sweet of him,’_ Jaehyun thinks as he takes the box from Jaemin and carefully opens it. A bottle of cologne greets him, small and beautifully crafted. The glass of the bottle is spherical and the blue liquid inside sloshes gently as Jaehyun picks it up and examines it closely. He’s tempted to spray a bit of it into the air to test its scent, but refrains from doing so because it’s Jaemin who gave this to him. 

Jaemin, the notorious mad mechanic whose section of the development lab is a direct violation of any and all health and safety protocols.

“It’s beautiful, Jaemin,” Jaehyun praises instead, and the boy visibly preens. “What does it do?”

“See, that’s the fun part.” Jaemin holds his hands out, and Jaehyun carefully deposits the bottle in his hands. “It’s a trap.”

Jaehyun blinks, eyeing the harmless-looking bottle. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s a trap,” Jaemin repeats, his mouth splitting into a grin as he holds up the cologne. “Lele and I perfected it last night. So I’m gonna spare you the sciency jargon, but essentially, if you press on the nozzle, it triggers a heating mechanism within the bottle that causes a chemical reaction in the liquid, and you probably have like three seconds to throw it at whoever you’re trying to catch before it explodes into a huge rapid-drying glue blob.”

Jaehyun blinks again. He must’ve zoned out, because whatever Jaemin just said flew right over his head. Something about explosions and pressing a nozzle?

“I’m sorry, you lost me after the heating mechanism.”

Jaemin sighs. “Push nozzle, trigger reaction, throw like grenade at person, boom, superglue trap.” He hands the bottle back to Jaehyun, eyes narrowed in judgement. “Get it now, hyung?”

“Got it.” Jaehyun takes the bottle and places it back into its little box, all the while being extra cautious to avoid touching the nozzle. “Thank you, Jaemin. Really.”

“No problem!” Jaemin grins with a salute. “It’s a prototype for now, but hey, try it out on your mission and tell me how it works, yeah?” 

“Well—”

“Oh, I gotta go,” Jaemin checks his watch and bows slightly, before jogging off. “I hope your mission goes well, hyung! Good luck, kick ass, and tell me if that thing works!”

Jaehyun watches Jaemin dart away, before turning his gaze back down to the box in his hands with a sigh. 

_'Maybe next time.’_

* * *

_“Agent Jung, there’s a call on line for you.”_

Jaehyun shifts the files he’s sorting through and nods to nobody in particular. “Put them through.”

 _“Hey hyung,”_ Mark’s voice comes through the earpiece, a little garbled and sounding slightly breathless. Jaehyun smiles unconsciously upon hearing his voice, fondness washing over him at the thought of his cousin.

“What’s up, Mark?”

 _“I know you’re on a mission and all,”_ Mark starts. _“But uh, I came over to your place to visit, and I saw something that might worry you.”_

Jaehyun sighs. “Mark, I love you, but if you’re just calling me over a spider, I will block your number.”

Mark giggles a little, sounding nervous. _“It’s not a spider, hyung.”_

“Oh.” Jaehyun finds the papers he’s looking for and pulls out a pen, uncapping it to reveal the scanning mechanism at the tip. He quickly scans over the entire form before capping the device again. “What, did something burn in the kitchen? Are any alarms going off?”

_“No, hyung.”_

A small feeling of dread slowly blooms inside Jaehyun as he considers all other possibilities of Mark calling him, especially since the other knows that he’s currently on assignment right now. Mark’s aware of Jaehyun’s work policies. Calling him while he’s in the field is automatically putting them both at risk, even if it’s just scanning documents illicitly.

“Is Johnny dead?” Jaehyun asks tentatively, feeling his stomach coil and tighten as he waits for a response.

 _“No, hyung.”_ Mark pauses as Jaehyun takes a breath of relief. _“But um, it does have something to do with him.”_

“Like what?”

_“Hold on, lemme put him on the line for you. He can explain it himself.”_

There’s a couple shuffling sounds over the line, and Mark’s voice becomes distant, calling out to someone. A second-long pause of pure silence passes, before a breath can finally be heard. 

_“Baby,”_ Johnny’s voice comes slightly garbled over the line. _“Hey. I have a teeny problem.”_

Jaehyun sets down the stack of papers he’s filing through. “First off,” he says, adjusting his earpiece. “You know I’m busy, Johnny. I can’t just drop everything I’m doing to pick up a call whenever I want.”

_“Sorry.”_

“Second, what do you need help with?”

 _“Uh…”_ Johnny sounds abashedly guilty, and Jaehyun wonders what exactly in the house the big oaf broke this time. _“I uh...I might’ve used your cologne.”_

Oh.

_Really?_

_REALLY?_

_This_ is what Johnny’s worried about? Okay sure, Jaehyun likes his colognes and isn’t too keen on sharing them because they’re all expensive as hell, but it’s nothing really worth stressing over. They’re all replaceable, anyways. His time here is not.

“Johnny, I’m not mad at you for using my cologne,” he replies, setting the papers back exactly as he found them and rifling through another folder. “I mean, you could’ve asked but it’s not a big deal.”

_“Yeah, about that, Jae…”_

“What?”

_“Y’know the one you just got? The one in that round blue bottle?”_

Jaehyun freezes, all possible scenarios involving that bottle and Johnny running through his head at a million miles an hour. Surely Johnny’s not that stupid. They have separate bathrooms for a _reason_. And Jaehyun didn’t even take out the bottle. He left it in the little white box he received it in, and it’s been sitting inside his bathroom’s medicine cabinet for the past week.

Well, _was_ sitting inside his bathroom’s medicine cabinet. 

“What about it?” he asks slowly, feeling more than a little afraid of the answer. Feeling afraid that he _knows_ the answer. “What the hell were you even doing in my bathroom, Johnny? Why did you touch that box?”

The disappointment must’ve bled heavily into his voice, because Johnny audibly winces. _“I swear, I was just cleaning, baby! Just cleaning. And well, I thought it’d be nice to help you rearrange some of your bottles, because they’re always so messy.”_

Ouch. Okay, Johnny got him there. Jaehyun would like to deny it, but Johnny’s right, he’s not exactly the neatest person when it comes to organizing his stuff.

“Okay. And then what happened?”

_“Well, I saw you had this little white box in your cabinet and I got a little curious, so I opened it.”_

“And you saw the bottle.”

_“I saw the bottle.”_

“And you decided to use what’s in the bottle.”

 _“I decided to use what’s in the bottle,”_ Johnny admits miserably. _“I’m sorry, baby.”_

“How the hell did you become director again?” Jaehyun snaps, finding the last of the documents he needs and quickly scanning them. “Hasn’t our lives taught you anything about not using what isn’t yours?”

_“Yeah, I kinda figured after nothing happened and it exploded a couple seconds later.”_

Protectiveness suddenly takes over Jaehyun, because Jaemin did mention that the bottle will blow up, and it’s made out of _glass._ Johnny may be an idiot for snooping in his stuff, but he could also be seriously hurt from the explosion, and Jaehyun’s too far away right now to do anything about it.

“God, Johnny, are you hurt?”

 _“I’m uh, okay actually?”_ Johnny sounds slightly unsure, and there’s a sigh over the line—probably Mark. Jaehyun almost forgot that his cousin was even there. _“Uh...no shrapnel injuries or whatever. But I’m...kind of stuck?”_

Right. Jaemin also mentioned how it’s a glue trap in disguise. Jaehyun tucks away his scanning pen and turns towards the door of the large office. “Okay, just hang on, Johnny. I’m coming back as soon as I can.”

 _“No problem there, baby.”_ There’s a slight shuffle over the line again, before Mark’s voice pops up.

_“Hope you don’t mind if I stay a bit, hyung. Looks like Johnny might need some company until you get back.”_

“Sure, Mark.” Jaehyun ends the call there and slips out the office quietly and quickly adjusts his stride to blend in with the passing office workers. 

Jaehyun should be worried about his husband. He should be worried about the state of his bathroom right now. He should be worried about Mark and what his little neurotic head is going through upon seeing his cousin possibly stuck to the floor or wall or wherever Johnny decided to press the nozzle at. 

But above all else, Jaehyun’s worried about what he’s going to tell Jaemin. That he didn’t even need to bring it on his mission this time because it was a simple white-collar infiltration? That Johnny accidentally used the trap because he thought it was regular cologne? That he doesn’t even know how well it works because he wasn’t there to witness Johnny use it? 

And Jaemin looked so excited when he gave the bottle to Jaehyun, too.

Poor, sweet boy. What is Jaehyun going to tell him?

* * *

The answer is actually quite simple: Jaehyun tells Jaemin the truth.

 _“Hyung!”_ the boy’s voice chirps over the phone. _“How was it? Did it work? Tell me, tell me, tell me!”_

Jaehyun stares at Johnny, who’s stuck vertically in a translucent blue mass against Jaehyun’s bathroom wall. 

“Oh, it worked, alright.” Johnny grimaces as Jaehyun’s eyes narrow into a glare. “It worked exceptionally well.”

_“Cool! Who’d you catch?”_

“My _husband_ ,” Jaehyun grits out, and Johnny practically withers under his gaze. “And it wasn’t me. He caught himself.”

 _“Eh?!”_ Jaemin sounds incredulous. _“What? Who? How did he—Wait, I’m confused.”_

“So am I, Jaemin.”

There’s a crackle over the line. _“So...is Director Seo like...just stuck to something right now?”_

“Yeah.”

_“Where?”_

“At home,” Jaehyun says. “In Seoul. Against the wall. In MY bathroom.” His voice grows harder with every word, until he’s practically hissing. Johnny grimaces at the accusing words, and mouths a silent _‘sorry’_ as Jaehyun continues to glare him down.

 _“Oh.”_ Jaemin whistles. _“So...when do you need me and Lele over to fix it?”_

“As soon as possible, please.”

_“You got it, hyung. I’ll be over in ten.”_

Jaehyun thanks Jaemin and ends the call, before turning to his husband. “Johnny Seo, you are the living embodiment of why condoms should always be used during intercourse,” he deadpans.

“Is it because otherwise it’ll produce sexy beasts like me?” Johnny has the audacity to grin, and it takes every ounce of restraint training for Jaehyun to repress the urge to hit Johnny with the mother of all bitch slaps.

“No, it’s because it weakens the gene pool,” Jaehyun says drily, walking around the protruding blob to poke tentatively at bits of it. The material is mildly sticky and completely solid, unbudging in the slightest as Jaehyun continues to poke and prod. “See this? This is natural selection at work.”

Johnny pouts. “I’m sorry, Jae.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you are.” Jaehyun steps back and crosses his arms, eyeing the solid glob of blue with his husband’s head sticking out from it. “Okay. How the fuck is this gonna work?”

Johnny pulls his lips into a line. “Well, didn’t you just ask Jaemin to come over with something to break this away—”

“No, I mean how the fuck am I going to use my bathroom now?” Jaehyun cuts in, already missing the nights when he can just shower with some soft pop music and a lavender-scented candle. “How am I supposed to shower and brush my teeth in peace with you just stuck here?”

Johnny looks thoroughly unimpressed. “Seriously? I’m glued to the godforsaken wall and a _shower_ is what you’re worried about?”

“I just got back from a day’s-long mission, Johnny. I’m tired,” Jaehyun sighs. “Cut me some slack.”

“You’re not the one glued to the fucking wall for the last twelve hours though!” Johnny protests. “I was dying of boredom!”

Jaehyun frowns. “Mark was here, though.”

“I was dying of boredom!” Johnny repeats.

That’s a little mean and unfair to Mark, but that’s a discussion for another day. Instead, Jaehyun walks out of the bathroom, ignoring Johnny’s whiny pleas for him to come back, and heads to the kitchen for a snack. An apple isn’t going to do him much good in the long run, but Jaehyun doesn’t trust Johnny to remain unsupervised for longer than five minutes in his current state.

* * *

It never quite occurs to Jaehyun that he didn’t even give Jaemin or Chenle his address until the boys show up at his doorstep, all bright grins and a couple black duffel bags held between them.

“Hi, hyung!” they chorus as Jaehyun steps aside to let them in. Chenle already has his goggles on and hands gloved, and is wearing his signature heavy-duty lab coat, with all its questionable stains and scorch marks. Jaemin, on the other hand, is decked in a bomber jacket and a navy lab apron, with his bare hands sporting several new bandages.

“Wow, nice place you got here!” Jaemin gawks, whipping his head around to absorb the details of Jaehyun’s home. “It’s so cozy!”

“Thanks.” Jaehyun decides not to bring up the address situation, because he’s honestly just thankful the boys managed to find him at all. “Come on, I’ll take you both to the bathroom. Have you eaten?”

“We got food before we came here,” Chenle quips. “Thanks, hyung.”

“Of course.” Jaehyun leads them into the bathroom, where Johnny still lies flat against the wall in his snug little glue cocoon. “Here he is.”

Johnny smiles awkwardly at the two tech specialists. “Hey, guys.”

“What?” Chenle’s jaw drops and Jaemin absolutely loses his shit, laughing so hard he nearly doubles over.

“This is—I didn’t think—it actually—oh _GOD_!” Jaemin wheezes between laughs, stopping himself momentarily to look at Johnny. It’s no good. He breaks into another round of hysterical laughter the moment his eyes land on the man’s face.

“Haha,” Johnny says sarcastically as Chenle continues to gape and Jaemin practically drops to the floor. “Hilarious, Jaemin. I’m glued to the fucking wall. Now can you guys get me out of this or not?”

“Sure we can!” Chenle sets down the bag he’s holding onto the tiled floor and unzips it, rummaging inside. “Just...give us a second, Director Seo.” He pulls out a large glass bottle with a plain white label, and cradles it like it’s a baby.

Johnny’s eyes bulge at the sight of the bottle of clear liquid Chenle carefully holds up in his gloved hands. “What is that?”

“Hydrochloric acid,” Chenle says simply, already unscrewing the lid to the bottle.

Johnny’s eyes widen even further, until they look ready to pop. “Oh, _hell_ no! That’ll kill me!”

“Don’t worry, sir,” Jaemin assures, adjusting his goggles as Chenle pours the acid into an industrial-sized beaker. “It’s diluted.”

Jaehyun arches a brow as he watches the two boys work. “So what’s the pH?”

“Still zero.” Jaemin tugs on his own gloves and turns to rap a knuckle against the solid blue coating covering Johnny. “We’re gonna have to wear away the trap’s coating gradually with the acid.”

“It might take a while,” Chenle adds with a wicked grin, pulling out a couple large pipettes and handing one to Jaemin. “Sorry if we mess up your bathroom, hyung.”

“Don’t apologize, guys,” Jaehyun sighs, leveling a glare at Johnny for the nth time that night. “That’s not your job.”

Jaemin’s eyes dart between the two men, and a sly smirk draws itself over his face. He rummages in his bag for a little while longer, before pulling out another set of goggles. Jaehyun watches as he fixes them to Johnny’s face, and takes a step back to observe.

“There we go!” Jaemin turns to Jaehyun with a grin too bright for Jaehyun’s current state of mind. “Hyung, if you wanna watch, that’s fine. If you don’t, that’s fine too.”

“It’s about to get ugly,” Chenle quips, already filling the pipettes with acid.

“You might hear some screaming.”

“A lot of which might just be me,” Chenle adds.

“And a lot of cursing.”

“Which might be Director Seo.”

“And we might get fired for this.”

Chenle snorts. “You kidding me? The agency will be nothing without us.”

Jaemin nods. “Fair point. But all in all, it’s gonna be a process.”

Jaehyun heaves what feels like the hundredth sigh of today, and waves at the boys to proceed. “Honestly, I really don’t care at this point. Just make sure my bathroom’s spotless by the end of it, and we’ll call it even.”

“But what about me?” Johnny yowls from his place on the wall.

“You touched my stuff first, Johnny Seo,” Jaehyun scolds. “Deal with the consequences. Do you guys have a spare pair of goggles?”

Jaemin’s lips pull into a cheshire grin as he plunges his hand back into the bags on the floor. “Glad you see it my way, hyung.”

* * *

True to Jaemin’s words, there is a lot of screaming.

And a lot of cursing.

And some more screaming.

Jaemin pulls out a small handsaw from his bag, and Jaehyun doesn’t even have time to wonder what it’s for before the boy positions it right by Johnny’s head. “Lele, hold him still. I just need to get this—”

He begins moving the saw, and Johnny absolutely _howls_. Jaehyun thinks that had he the freedom to move, Johnny would’ve absolutely bolted. And as much as Jaehyun would like to trust Jaemin’s abilities to fix things, it’s common knowledge to never be near the boy when he has anything sharper than a pencil in his hands.

“What’s that fucking thing?!” Johnny screams, eyes bulging in their sockets as he glares at Jaemin.

Jaemin blinks, looking down at the saw in his hands. “A saw, sir.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Where the hell did you even get that thing?”

“Uh, the lab?” Jaemin says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Now, if you can just tilt your head slightly, please.” He positions the tool again and prepares to saw away at the hardened glue, with Johnny leaning his face as far away as his immobilized body can allow.

Chenle looks up from where he’s carefully administering acid over the mass on Johnny’s legs. “Jaem, I think it’s melted enough, you can probably cut it away now.”

Johnny thrashes uselessly. “NO! NO CUTTING!”

“Sir, just relax,” Jaemin sighs. “I’ll be careful. You’ll live.”

“Na Jaemin, that’s my fucking neck—”

Jaemin rolls his eyes and begins sawing. “Well, sorry Director Seo, but can you like, move it?”

“Are you _serious_?!”

“Jaemin, hurry up!” Chenle shouts impatiently as another slurry of blue sloughs off Johnny’s legs. “Get him out before this acid burns him!”

Jaemin saws faster, shooting Chenle a dirty glare as flakes of blue flutter to the ground. “I’m _trying_!”

“Well, try harder!”

Jaehyun doesn’t even need to make eye contact to know that Johnny’s wincing. Jaemin and Chenle continue to bicker as they work, and the scent of burning plastic fills the room as more of the glue is melted and cut away.

It’s been over an hour, and so far all that’s been accomplished is a steady stream of blue gunk polluting Jaehyun’s bathroom floor and Johnny guaranteeing them a noise complaint in the morning. And sure, Jaehyun has had his share of stupid lovers’ spats with Johnny in the past, but nobody told him that being married would constitute having to watch two teenagers try not to kill his husband with strong acid and a handsaw.

And it’s almost midnight, too.

“You know what,” he says finally, glaring at Johnny, who’s still squirming under Jaemin’s steady sawing. “I’m using your bathroom tonight, Johnny. You’ve ruined mine.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Johnny calls as Jaehyun begins to leave. “Baby, you can’t just leave me here! I’ll die!”

“You won’t die,” Jaemin and Chenle chorus.

That isn’t reassuring in the least, but Jaehyun is exhausted and disappointed and just angry enough to feel a little spiteful. “Listen to the techs,” he says flatly as Johnny shoots him the most betrayed look. “I’m tired and I’m going to bed, Johnny.”

“Jae, how can you just leave me here? I thought you love me!” Johnny wails, before breaking off into a yell.

“Oops. Shit. Sorry Director Seo,” Chenle hisses, pulling out a bottle of water from his bag and squirting some on the exposed bit of Johnny’s leg. “Good news, I don’t think it got on your skin.”

“That’s acid, Chenle!” Johnny screams. Jaehyun thinks he can see the fabric of his pants sizzling.

Chenle continues to work, unfazed. “Yes, I’m aware, sir.”

“We’re almost done, hyung!” Jaemin hollers as Jaehyun turns to leave. “We’ll get Director Seo out in a jiffy and be outta your hair in no time!”

“Thanks,” Jaehyun sighs, taking off his goggles and returning it to its rightful place in Jaemin’s bag. “If you guys need anything—a snack, some water, anything, just call me.”

“Yessir!”

“Thanks, hyung!”

“JAE!”

Jaehyun leaves the room without another word. It’s been one hell of a day and his brain can’t keep up anymore. He needs a shower and some rest, and he needs it _now_.

The rest of the night passes relatively peacefully, with only muffled curses coming from his bathroom. Jaehyun visits the area once more after he’s refreshed to deliver some snacks to the pair of technicians and give Johnny some water, because he’s not heartless enough to let his husband go dehydrated. True to Jaemin’s word, most of the glue from the front is already melted and cut away, and the pair have moved on to carefully melting and scraping away at the mass holding Johnny’s back against the wall.

“Just another hour should do,” Jaemin assures when Jaehyun offers them a place to sleep for the night. “Honestly, don’t even worry about it, hyung.”

Jaehyun’s motherly intuition tells him that another hour might not be the case, but his exhausted brain overrides any and all primitive instincts for the sake of sleep. So he wishes Jaemin and Chenle good luck, ignores the whines from Johnny, and heads to bed.

* * *

Jaehyun finds them like this the following morning: 

Chenle is passed out in his bathtub, goggles askew on his face and one leg dangling over the edge of the tub. There’s a scorched hole in the bottom of his pants, and his gloves are caked with dried blue sludge, though Jaehyun’s positive those aren’t the same pair he started out with.

Jaemin is straddling his toilet backwards, face pressed against the porcelain tank lid and snoring lightly. There’s an entire sleeve missing off his jacket and bits of blue chunks stuck in his hair and blue stains all over his body.

Johnny is mostly free and unconscious also, the entirety of his front without glue and his clothes stained beyond repair in a god-awful shade of blue. The floor is clean of the blue sludge and flakes from the night before, and a large biohazard bag sits sealed against the side of the bathtub. All the equipment from the night before are strewn on the floor, with the acid and glassware pushed carefully to the side.

“Good morning,” Jaehyun calls. “Rise and shine, everybody.”

Chenle twitches. Jaemin snorts and mutters something unintelligible. Johnny doesn’t even react.

Jaehyun’s heart swells. “Come on,” he calls again, louder. “Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey! Jaemin! Chenle! Johnny!”

No reaction.

_Well, then._

Jaehyun cups both hands around his mouth and takes in a deep breath, before letting out the voice he reserves only for training the rookies with. 

“WAKE UP YOU SLIMY BLUE BUNCH OF MAGGOTS!”

Jaemin shrieks, head shooting up and the porcelain lid coming with it. Jaehyun just about has a heart attack when the boy snaps his head in his direction with 10 pounds of porcelain stuck to his face.

“Hyung!” Jaemin complains.

“Jaemin!” Jaehyun screams, hands flying up to his temples. “Oh my god, your face!”

“My face? What?” Jaemin touches his bare cheek. “What’s wrong with it?”

Jaehyun gestures to the other half. “Jaemin...you…”

“What?” Jaemin feels the other side of his face, and his eyes blow wide when his hand makes solid contact with the porcelain lid. “My god...hyung!”

Jaehyun waves his arms in a panicked rendition of a calming wave. “Okay, okay, don’t panic, Jaemin. Let’s all just calm down!”

“Calm down?!” Jaemin looks like he’s about to cry. “Hyung, Director Seo’s still on the wall and I have a fucking toilet lid stuck on my FACE—”

“Toilet? Face? What?” Chenle sits up groggily in the tub, blinking through his crooked goggles. His eyes land on Jaemin, and he frowns. “Jaem?”

“Lele!” Jaemin cries.

“What the…” Chenle peels off his gloves and takes off his goggles. He stares at Jaemin, blinks a few times, and puts the goggles back on. Takes them off again. Puts them back on. Takes them off.

“Wait, WHAT THE FUCK?!” Chenle screeches, goggles hanging around his neck as he brings both hands to cover his mouth. “Jaem, you—why the hell is there a piece of TOILET stuck to your face?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

“WHAT DO WE DO?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

Jaehyun backs away from the panic and brings out his phone. There’s no time to waste anymore. He needs serious help from the higher-ups, and he needs it NOW.

_“...Hello?”_

“Sir, I’m so, so sorry for bothering you,” Jaehyun says quickly, wincing as a crash resonates from his bathroom. “I need your help.”

Taeil heaves a long-suffering sigh over the line. _“What is it?”_

“Johnny’soutcoldagainstthewallinmybathroomandJaeminhasatoilettanklidstucktohisface,” Jaehyun recites in one breath.

 _“I...excuse me?”_ Taeil sounds beyond confused, and Jaehyun can't find it in him to blame the man. _“Sorry, what was that?”_

“Johnny’s out cold against the wall in my bathroom and Jaemin has a toilet tank lid stuck to his face,” Jaehyun repeats. “And before you ask, no. No sir, I’m not kidding. I’m serious.”

 _“With your reputation, Jaehyun, I’d believe it.”_ There’s the sound of typing, before Taeil’s voice comes on again. _“Who’s with you right now?”_

“Johnny, Jaemin, and Chenle.”

_“Okay. I’m sending Dejun and Renjun to your location right now, with the works. We’ll try to get it fixed as fast as possible. Is there anything else you need?”_

Jaehyun bites back a sob. “Therapy.”

_“Pardon?”_

“Nothing, sir.”

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone gets free eventually and Jaehyun makes Johnny sleep on the couch for a week. Jaemin can't look Renjun or Dejun in the eye for days afterwards and is now not-so-secretly called "toilet-face" in the labs.
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Cydersyrup)  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/Cydersyrup)


End file.
